Clutter and the patriarchy: why sorting your sock drawer is a quiet feminist revolution that will lighten the mental load

Ever find yourself staring at a pile of random stuff — baby socks, unopened post, half a dog toy — and think, Why am I the only one who notices this? You're not imagining it. You're not being controlling. You're just carrying what sociologists now call... the mental load.

This isn’t a man-bashing manifesto. Plenty of men carry the mental load too — especially single dads, carers, and those actively breaking old patterns. If that’s you: welcome. You’re not the problem — you’re part of the solution.

Understanding the mental load and clutter

The mental load is the invisible to-do list running in your head — birthday cards to buy, PE kits to find, appointments to schedule, crumbs to sweep, toilet paper to restock. It’s mostly cognitive and unseen, involving remembering, planning, anticipating, and organising all the details that keep a household running.

Then there’s noticing clutter — the visible, environmental awareness of mess: crumbs on the floor, shoes off the rack, the ever-growing junk drawer. When you’re the only one who notices this clutter, it quickly becomes part of your mental load. Because it’s not just seeing the mess — it’s linking it to questions like:

• “Who’s going to pick that up?”

• “Why am I the only one who sees this?”

• “Where is that supposed to live?”

• “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.”

So while clutter itself isn’t the mental load, the expectation (and reality) of being the one to notice, interpret, and solve it is part of the mental load. And for many of us, it’s exhausting — because even as gender roles shift, much of this invisible domestic decision-making still quietly falls to women.

It’s big, it’s bad, and it’s gendered

Sure, partners are doing more than before. Some households split the load fairly. But make no mistake — the mental load is still huge, it’s exhausting, and the majority of it quietly lands on women’s shoulders. This isn’t about blame; it’s about naming the reality we live with.

You didn’t sign up to run the domestic operations department, but here you are — juggling appointments, school uniforms, grocery lists, and all the tiny details that keep your home running. It’s unpaid, invisible work that wears you down.

Clutter isn’t your fault. But creating calm can be your power move

Here’s the thing: just because the system is unfair doesn’t mean we have to live in chaos. Decluttering isn’t a sign of surrender. It’s a quiet act of rebellion. A declaration that you deserve better. That your time and brainspace are valuable.

Creating order in your home doesn’t make you less feminist — it might just make you more powerful. Because in a world that expects you to carry the load silently, choosing calm is radical. Choosing systems over stress is brave.

And here’s the bonus: organising your home doesn’t just lighten your load — it helps others pull their weight too. When things have a place, it’s easier for everyone to pitch in. It means fewer questions, fewer reminders, and fewer mental tabs left open. It frees up headspace, time, and energy for you — and that’s something we all deserve.

It’s okay if this mostly falls to you (for now)

Let’s be real: it would be wonderful if everyone just naturally pulled their weight. If every partner noticed the dishes and the dusty skirting boards and that weird pile of "stuff" on the stairs. But we’re not all there yet.

If you’re the one leading the charge right now, you’re not giving in — you’re leading. And hopefully modelling something better for the next generation (and yes, that includes sons, partners, flatmates, and unsuspecting houseguests).

You're not a martyr. You're a strategist. A CEO of Calm. A Chaos Wrangler-in-Chief.

This isn’t about perfection — it’s about reclaiming peace

Let’s ditch the idea that decluttering is about being Pinterest-perfect. It’s not about alphabetising your spice rack (unless you want to). It’s about making your space work for you. So you can think straight. So you can breathe. So you’re not tripping over guilt and Lego bricks every morning.

Your home should serve you — not the other way around. And if that means taking control of the clutter, then yes, that’s feminist too.

One last thing

For the many women carrying the lion’s share of the domestic chaos — let this be your reminder: you’re not petty for caring. You’re not controlling for organising. You’re not alone.

Decluttering isn’t shallow. Wanting your home to feel calm isn’t frivolous. It’s feminist. It’s powerful. And it might just start with finally chucking the lidless Tupperware.